I saw something that made me cry today. I didn’t mean it to happen – it just did. And it was something so silly too, just a pair of florist’s scissors. They weren’t even exactly like my mum’s, but the handles were the same colour and the blades were the same shapes and…oh, I have to stop this! It’s crazy, Mum died three years ago (there, I said it) and yet I can’t seem to get a grip.
Megan thinks I’m dealing with everything really well. I never cry in front of her – well, hardly ever. She’s a great friend but I haven’t known her all that long and maybe I’m not ready to share that part of me yet, the part that’s still so sad inside.
I’m going to think about something more positive instead. Anpa’s fixed up for me to have a summer job at the garden centre! It’s a good thing I’m writing this in my diary and not telling people out loud because they’d probably look at me strangely. Garden centres aren’t exactly most people’s idea of fun, but I love them. All those plants, all those flowers…I feel like I’m at home, like I belong there.
Sometimes at school, I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing. But in the garden, it’s like I just instinctively know what to do. I like getting my hands dirty. I like weeding and pruning and stuff like that. I know, I know, I’m a bit weird. Most of my ex-friends would rather be out shopping. I guess I used to be like that too, before…no. I’m not going to think about it again.
A summer job will be GREAT. Give me something to do. And the people at the centre are really nice. It should be a relaxing summer with nothing to get me stressed or worried. Perfect!
Jo Cotterill 